I am a statistic.
I am still not okay with that. I never will be, but I am not alone.
1 in 4 women will lose their baby.
1 in 4.
How did I not know this before I got pregnant?
Not that knowing it would have made a difference.
I would have tried regardless.
But would knowing the odds have made me more prepared to lose him?
No of course not, but I guess I at least would have known.
Over the past almost month now I have been researching statistics.
I’ve been talking to other mothers that have lost about what they were told, or read about their losses and their conditions.
The amount of women that got no answers or inklings about what was happening to them is astounding.
Some doctors don’t warn you, some stay “neutral”, and some prepare you for the inevitable.
My doctor, for example tried to stay positive, she told me that 30% of women experience some form of bleeding in their pregnancies, and that the majority of these issues resolve themselves so it was likely that I would go on to have a healthy pregnancy. The perinatal specialist was positive but told me that 70% percent of the women that experience bleeding in their pregnancies, go on to have successful pregnancies.
That meant that 30% of those women lose their babies.
I am that 30%.
By the time I was in the hospital the third time, It was 50/50.
I am one of the 50% that lose their child.
All of the numbers that you read after you lose your baby are so freaking confusing. Mostly because they are based on situation.
Something else that I wasn’t prepared for, the fact that having a miscarriage meant that I was more likely to have another one.
Everyone talks about how rare it is for someone to have multiple miscarriages, that if you have one miscarriage, you are far more likely to go on to have a healthy pregnancy, unfortunately that is not true.
When you have a miscarriage, your risk for a second miscarriage increases by at least 3%.
Now you may not think that that is a very big increase, but I am the 3% of women that suffer a second trimester miscarriage.
That 3% scares the shit out of me.
So hey lets one up it right.
My placenta detached, its called Placental Abruption, usually it doesn’t happen until after 20 weeks and it’s incredible dangerous.
I don’t know the exact statistic that I will experience this again, I do know that I am far more likely to experience it now because its happened before.
I know all of this sounds awful, and scary, because it is. But for me Science provides an answer. Science comes from trial and error and its all that I have now.
One of the women that I have met through this (and has become part of my strength and survival), has an even more devastating story, both of her pregnancies ended in tragedy and her most recent statistic was 1 in 1000.
1 in 1000 women go through what she went through. I am so completely baffled by that statistic. My heart breaks for my dear friend. I cannot fathom what she is going through.
So here is my question, why is it so hard to bring awareness to our losses?
Why in the HELL do we have to experience at least 3 miscarriages before we can have extensive testing.
Miscarriage is so freaking common that we need to stand up and ask questions.
It shouldn’t matter how far along we are, or how many times it has happened, we should be offered testing at least for the peace of mind that we could get from knowing where we stand.
The 1 in 4 statistic is part of the reason I came out about our loss.
We have to start talking about this.